Please confess to me [rebirth] 36

Chapter 36

　　


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On the big bed, a beautiful woman's eyelashes trembled. Her eyes slowly opened, and she felt a  momentary sense of confusion.

Shen Xi blinked, then focused on the face that was centimeters away from hers. After a short moment of disbelief, memories of last night flooded into her. And along these memories came an aching body.

This man, no matter which lifetime, is so...

Shen Xi began to feel a little angry. But when she saw Su Hang's peaceful, smiling face, she froze. In both lifetimes...in the thousand days and nights they've slept together...this was the first time this man had shown such an expression.

Shen Xi couldn't help but think back to the first time they had sex in her last life. Her memory of that night was fuzzy, but there was one moment that she remembered in exceptional clarity. After they had sex, when Su Hang thought she had fallen asleep, he had whispered, 'I'm sorry' in her ear. Those words filled her heart with such heavy sadness that she was unable to sleep for a long time.

Are you apologizing to me? Or are you apologizing to the girl you secretly loved?

With those questions circling her mind, Shen Xi had woken up alone in bed the next morning. Wrapped in snow-white sheets with an aching body, Shen Xi had never felt so grief-stricken. There was a vast chasm in her heart, and at that moment, she was too tired to resist. There was no more hope and expectation left in her.

While Shen Xi was focused on past memories, she had failed to notice that Su Hang was actually awake. He had woken up before Shen Xi, but pretended to be asleep so he could stay in bed. Noticing that Shen Xi wasn't moving, Su Hang couldn't help but quietly open an eye to carefully check the situation.

But what he saw made him stop all pretense, as fear and panic gripped his heart. Shen Xi was sad. She's sad.

Su Hang was shocked. He wrapped his arms around Shen Xi and hurriedly apologized. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault."

"Sorry? Shen Xi looked up at the man in front of her. For a moment, the emotions she had on that horrible day in her last life surged back. Without thought, she asked: "You're sorry?"

"I-I..." Su Hang grit his teeth, then sighed in resignation. "I wasn't drunk last night. I was pretending...I-It's all my fault."

"Pretend?" Shen Xi blinked back the complicated emotions from her past and managed to accurately focus on the critical point of his sentence.

"Nn." Su Hang nodded. "Sorry."

So he hadn't been drunk last night? He was actually faking? Shen Xi's anger came back, and she couldn't help but bite Su Hang's arm to vent.

Su Hang quietly hummed, immediately relaxing the muscles in his arm so Shen Xi wouldn't get hurt. He patiently waited for Shen Xi to let go, then looked at the resulting teeth marks. Seeing the tiny amount of blood, Su Hang suddenly chuckled.

Seeing the man smile, Shen Xi's anger doubled. She said: "Are you proud of yourself?"
　　
"Not proud, but happy." Su Hang replied.

Happy! Shen Xi became furious. She looked at his arms, trying to find another spot to bite.

"You can bite here." Su Hang was afraid that Shen Xi would get tired of biting him, so he willingly offered his other hand.

Shen Xi felt like a cat being teased. She was doing her best with fangs showing and claws extended, but her owner's face remained silly and pain-free.

"As long as you stop being sad." Su Hang continued. "You can do whatever you want."

Sad? Shen Xi was a little surprised. Did she look sad when she recalled her past life?

"If you're angry, you can shout at me, hit me, bite me; it doesn't matter. As long as you're not hurting." As soon as Su Hang opened his eyes, he saw a sorrowful expression on Shen Xi's face. It was like being stabbed in the heart.

"If..." Shen Xi tentatively started. "What would you have done if I woke up and cried?"

"I would've hated myself." Su Hang replied without hesitation. "I would've thought that I forced myself on you."

"And then?" Shen Xi asked again.

"And then..." Su Hang didn't like this imagined scenario. He didn't want to continue talking about this, ah.

Shen Xi looked at Su Hang's resistant expression. Truthfully, her heart already knew the answer. After all, this wasn't the first time Shen Xi had experienced a 'first time' with him.

(T/N: This wasn't the first time she had sex with Su Hang for the first time. Confusing, ah.)



"Fool. You're such an idiot." Shen Xi couldn't help but complain.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I won't do it again." Su Hang apologized once more.

"Su Hang, promise me one thing." Shen Xi looked at him.

"Yes, of course." Su Hang nodded without hesitation.

"No matter how angry or sad I am, even if I start ignoring you...just, just remember to coax me until I forgive you." Don't beat yourself up and leave me on my own.

Su Hang's eyes brightened, and he fiercely nodded.

You were the one who said these words. Now that you've consented, I'll never leave you in my entire life.

With this sharp contrast to her previous life's memories, Shen Xi didn't want to be hypocritical. Although Su Hang tricked her, it wasn't like she hadn't been willing. Furthermore, this outcome was much better than in her previous life.

Let's just treat each other a little better this time around.

"Get up, I'm going to take a bath." Shen Xi pushed Su Hang.

"Oh, sure." Su Hang obediently got out of bed and went to the closet to get a robe. He tied the belt, smiled at Shen Xi, then left the bedroom to take a bath on the first-floor bathroom.

Shen Xi looked at the robe Su Hang had put on. She realized that from the very beginning, Su Hang had deliberately left his robes in her closet for a situation like this. It wasn't that he forgot to take them away when he was cleaning up!

Meanwhile, a humming Su Hang walked down the stairs and happened to bump into Mrs. Zhang. She had been walking out of the kitchen with a pot of porridge. The stunned Mrs. Zhang looked at Su Hang, then towards the second floor. With a huge smile on her face, she said: "Congratulations, sir."

"Cough!" Su Hang quickened his steps towards the guest bedroom, but the smile on his face betrayed his actual mood. He was obviously delighted at Mrs. Zhang's congratulations.

Su Hang took a bath, changed his clothes, then came out. Mrs. Zhang asked: "Sir, you'll be leaving for work soon. Would you like me to help you pack your clothes and put them back in the master bedroom?"

"Ah...." Su Hang glanced towards the second floor. "That depends on my wife."

His answer was perfect.

"I understand. I'll ask Madam later." Mrs. Zhang replied with a chuckle.

"Un." Su Hang loftily nodded his head, pretending not to hear her laughter. Su Hang once again felt that Mrs. Zhang is truly talented in her line of work. He should give her another raise, ah.
　　
On the other side, Shen Xi had finished taking a bath. She sat down on the bed, opened her bedside table, and looked at the white medicine bottle in the drawer. After a moment of hesitation, Shen Xi grabbed it.

The pills were something Shen Xi brought along with her when she first arrived in this house. In her last life, Shen Xi hadn't intended to be a fake couple with Su Hang, but she didn't want to have children with him so early on either. Therefore, she prepared birth control pills. Even though Su Hang would always take precautions in their last life, Shen Xi still usually took the pills.

But what about this time? Last night happened so suddenly that Su Hang didn't take any preventive measures. Shen Xi looked at the white medicine bottle, her lips pressed together. Her expression was indecisive.

"Shen Xi, the food's ready...."

Su Hang entered her room so suddenly that Shen Xi was startled. The medicine bottle fell to the ground and rolled towards Su Hang, eventually hitting his foot. Su Hang bent down to pick it up and paused. He froze only for a split second, then went back to normal. He grabbed the medicine bottle walked towards Shen Xi, then crouched down in front of her. Su Hang carefully placed the bottle on the bedside table with one hand, then held Shen Xi's hands with his other. In a low voice full of remorse, he said: "It's my fault. I should've thought about these things in advance."

"What?" Shen Xi spooked by Su Hang's sudden appearance and was afraid that Su Hang would overthink things because of the contraceptive pills. She couldn't help but silently panic.

"Don't take any more of these, it's bad for your health if you eat too many. I'll be better and take precautions in the future." Su Hang told her softly.

"You don't want children?" Shen Xi asked.

"I just want you." Su Hang held Shen Xi's hand tight and seriously replied: "Whatever you're willing to give."

Shen Xi didn't know what to say. All her mind could process was their intertwined fingers, their wedding rin sparkling against the light. It was beautiful.

"Mrs. Zhang finished cooking. Let's have some breakfast." Su Hang held Shen Xi's hand and led her downstairs.

At breakfast, Mrs. Zhang's smile was dazzling. It made Shen Xi a little embarrassed. Shen Xi couldn't help but say: "Mrs. Zhang, please don't mind us. We must be busy; we can eat breakfast on our own."

"Ah, yes." Mrs. Zhang replied. She turned to leave the room, but suddenly thought of something. "Madam, I have something to ask you."

"What is it?" Shen Xi wondered.

"That is, should I pack up Sir's clothes and put them in the master bedroom closet?" Mrs. Zhang asked with a grin.

Shen Xi was surprised. She turned towards Su Hang, but the man had his head bent down low, focused on drinking his bowl of porridge.

"Madam?" Hearing no response, Mrs. Zhang asked again.

"That....yes." Shen Xi embarrassedly replied.

The grin on Su Hang's face was so wide he almost spilled his porridge.

"Alright!" Mrs. Zhang clapped her hands in satisfaction. "Madam, can I move some of your summer shoes to make room for Sir's things?"

"Do as you like, Mrs. Zhang." Shen Xi felt that if she were to be asked one more question about this, she wouldn't be able to sit still.

"I'll see to it then?" Mrs. Zhang said.

"Yes, yes, please take care of it." Shen Xi couldn't look at Mrs. Zhang's smile anymore.

Mrs. Zhang left the dinner table, content. Shen Xi looked at Su Hang, who was still focused on his food but had a smile on his face. She sullenly kicked his leg under the dinner table.

"I didn't ask Mrs. Zhang to do it." Su Hang innocently exclaimed. Of course, he was secretly very grateful to their considerate and efficient employee.

"Then go tell Mrs. Zhang that she doesn't need to pack your clothes." Shen Xi said with a huff.

Su Hang pondered things for two seconds, then silently extended his leg so that Shen Xi could kick it again.

"What are you doing?" Shen Xi was speechless.

"Go ahead and kick." Even if I end up disabled, I'm never going to stop Mrs. Zhang.

Shen Xi was so angry she smiled.

Mrs. Zhang's packing was quite fast. She cleaned up the guestroom and put everything thing away by noon. As soon as Shen Xi returned to her bedroom, she noticed the difference. The room felt a lot more crowded.

There was another pillow on the bed, and its contrasting color looked surprisingly harmonious to her own pillow.

On one bedside table was a book on finance, and on the other bedside table was the novel she was in the middle of reading.

There was an extra toothbrush, towel, and bathrobe in the bathroom, and the sink counter held a few more skincare products.

In the walk-in closet, the empty left-hand side was no filled with black, white, and gray suits. There were also a few light-colored sweaters that looked very similar to some of her cardigans.

One drawer was filled with ties and socks.

A row of black men's shoes was added to the colorful shoe rack.

Shen Xi felt that this scene was somewhat familiar but also unfamiliar at the same time. The arrangements were exactly the same as her previous life, so why did it feel completely different this time around?

"Madam, what do you think? Is there anything you want changed?" Mrs. Zhang walked into the closet with a cashmere coat that had just been delivered from the dry cleaners.

"It's good. Let's leave it like this." Shen Xi replied with a smile.

Mrs. Zhang hung the cashmere coat, then sighed. "Finally, this place feels like a normal household."

"What?" Shen Xi asked.

"Er..nothing?" Mrs. Zhang hurriedly changed the subject. "By the way, Madam, would you like to go to the attic and pick out some photos that can be displayed around the home?"

"Photos?"

"Like your wedding photos with Sir." Mrs. Zhang reminded her.

Shen Xi froze. She had only ever seen her and Su Hang's wedding photos twice so far. The first was during the wedding banquet, and the other was during Su Hang's funeral. The picture had been placed in his urn.

Shen Xi decided to take a look.

When she pushed open the attic door, the sun shining through the little window made the resulting dust cloud visible. She walked towards a pile covered in a dust cloth and pulled the sheet off.

When Shen Xi did this, countless dust particles flew into the air, churning and fleeing from the sun in panic.

Shen Xi's eyes fell on the photos, every single one displaying her forced smile. For the very first time, Shen Xi carefully and seriously looked at each photo.

Then she found out one thing.

It seems that in every photo that showed her looking away, Su Hang was staring at her with soft eyes.

Shen Xi suddenly had a thought. If she had seen these photos in her last life, would their ending by any different?

For the first time, Shen Xi was faced with the clear realization that their tragic last life wasn't solely Su Hang's fault.



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The author has something to say:

In their last life, Su Hang woke up before Shen Xi. The first thing he saw was the tears in the corners of Shen Xi's eyes.

And Shen Xi, who woke up soon after, saw nothing.




***

This chapter was both fluffy and heart-rending at the same time. In her mind, Shen Xi understood that they both didn't do enough. In her heart though, she still placed most of the blame on Su Hang for withholding his thoughts and feelings. Now, she's faced with the stark reality that she didn't do enough. Shen Xi gave up hope for any semblance of love on their first night of sex. Su Hang continued to hope for years, right until they divorced.

I personally don't blame her too much, though. She did try to reach out in the beginning, it's just that they kept misinterpreting each other. It's just that their relationship started from a bad situation (being forced into marriage), and Su Hang wasn't helping in making things better (being quiet about his feelings, never clarifying that Shen Xi was his secret love).

Also, in her last life, waking up alone after their first night of sex seemed to have really devastated Shen Xi. She was already pessimistic, and the thought of Su Hang being indifferent to their night of passion really hit her hard.



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